As some members here might be aware, my father has been battling cancer for the past few years.
Sadly, my father lost that battle today. He passed on this morning while I was still sleeping in. My mom woke me up not long after it happened.
I'm not sure how to feel at this stage. I didn't get a lot of sleep the previous night and my dad, while very sick, seemed fine. I guess things quickly went south this morning. So, I am somewhat tired right now.
I guess one thing I can say at this stage is.. do I lack empathy? I did well up with tears a little bit during the initial shock, but I haven't cried much at all. I ask this question since I have seen some sad moments in cartoons like that Harold and the Purple Crayon episode that deals with death of a pet. I didn't cry at all. I don't know if it's just my autism causing me to react in a way that is very different from others.
I mean, I loved my dad. We had our occasional quarrels and disagreements, but we got along most of the time. I have shown genuine concern when his sickness reached low points, so I know I have genuine love present in me.
Maybe reality hasn't completely settled in yet. Maybe it will settle in once I get into bed later and think things over.
So.... yeah. Difficult times ahead, but I know it won't last long and at some point I will have to move on with life. If I do get very sad and cry eventually, I know I can't keep being sad forever and I need to start thinking about the good times we had together, and also the fact that he is in a better place now, free of pain and suffering.
I love you Dad.... I always will, wherever you are.
I love foxes, especially the one in my avatar.