Well, I saw one of the old forums. This was my reaction:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwyIR598a_s[/youtube]
Insert "Sour Grapes always calls things faboo!" in place of the song lyrics. Stella Grapes is still shaken.
Ugh. I messed up James' birthday
twice (once mixing it up with his brother's birthday and once hearing the date wrong) while he was busy spoiling me by sending me presents, I called my engagement date an "extremely special date" instead of explaining to the public that I had gotten engaged, I posted so much silly junk and wrote and drew badly, I kept reviewing things nobody cared about, I didn't participate in the roleplay because my mind was a million and one places, I gave my hamsters away, I was a horrible jerk to James, I was a horrible jerk about special needs people which is completely embarrassing now, I said "faboo", I was so
scatterbrained, and I was just Ben's silly female lackey with no purpose in life back then.
Now I save children and disabled people. I don't deserve my family. Why did I waste so much of my life?

Why did James marry such a nitwit?
For the most part, I think I am being too harsh with myself. I recall a guy saying, "I hope your dolls miss you when you're dead and gone, because no one else will!" The guy said this about a year or two prior to the time of the forum I saw, and at least more people liked me by then. Still, I feel like I was a very selfish lady.
I was certainly taking advantage of James for a while. I thought our relationship would be like my other relationships: temporary. Meanwhile, James adored me. He adored me so much, and he still does. I can't forgive myself for taking advantage of such an incredible person. When he proposed to me, I knew it was coming and sobbed nonetheless, knowing I didn't deserve him. I still don't deserve him. He's made my dreams come true. I cannot compete with that.