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Blackberry Bun's Journal: Chapter 1
#1
Quote:Chapter 1: Growing Better All The Time

It was a sunny day when I was sitting in front of my desk, finishing my invention. Sometimes I could hear cheerings of children outside, and whenever it happened, I felt something strange. Something that made me feel like joining them.

"Is this what they call as lonely...?" I wondered.

But I couldn't go. I was afraid that they would call me a weirdo. Who wouldn't call a boy who wears dark outfit even though it's sunny outside, wears thick glasses, and prefers secluding himself making "weird devices", a weirdo?

I continued my work until I finally finished the device. A small radar-shaped device which is capable of driving birds away from an area around it.

"This will be useful for farmers," I thought. "Now time to put it into practice"

I walked out of my house, which is a tree house perfectly hidden by the leaves, walked past Blackberry Bushes, through the Huckleberry Briar, and finally I was in the outfield. Once again I heard a cheering of children so I quickly went hiding behind a bush. I looked around and saw five kids, four girls and one boy to be exact, running by. I decided to follow them quietly, but I ended up losing their track. Getting tired, I sat down under a tree to take some rest, only to fall asleep a few minutes later.

I didn't know how long I was asleep. The only thing I knew was that when I woke up, I saw the five kids walking back carrying gardening equipments, and a little bit dirty with dirt covering their clothes. Seeing those gave me a hunch that I've got an opportunity to test my device.

I walked to the way they came from, and ended up seeing an area of land which has been plowed and marked with flower signs. Just as I had thought, they intended to make a garden there. I picked the device from my pocket, put it in the middle of the area, and turned it on.

"Now birds won't come eating the seeds," I thought. "Time to go home and let nature takes care of itself,"

A few days later, I went to the area to check the progress. I arrived there quite in the early morning, only to see the area devastated by a legion of crows.

"What's wrong with the device? I made it to drive birds away, not to attract crows!" I wondered, rushing into the legion to find the device and turn it off.

After I had turned the device off, all the crows went away. But I was sure that some of them would return. I looked around, seeing an area that was ruined because of my own fault for not testing it in my place first.

"If the kids find out that this is all my fault, they all will hate me for sure," I thought, leaving the place quickly.

At home I took a look at the device and discovered that I really had made a mistake in the making. As the result, the device worked the opposite way of what it was supposed to be. It took some while but I managed to fix the problem. Then I took a different device from my shelf, and left home carrying the two devices.

I walked to the area once again to drive the rest of the crows away from the field so I could use the other device. However, when I arrived there I saw the five kids driving away the crows using scarecrows modeled like themselves.

"Old fashioned way. Simple but effective," I thought, feeling relieved that they themselves had solved the problem I have caused. "There's no need to use Scarecrow then. I'll just use Nature's Blessing from here without their knowing,"

I took the other device from my pocket, planted it on the ground, and turned it on. The device glowed a green aura and made all seeds on the area grow before the kids' eyes. I could hear the girl in strawberry hat shouting "Great galloping gooseberries!"

I left the place, feeling sure that someday I would be friends with them. But not for now since I was still not confident about it.

--End of Chapter 1--
[Image: TheGrapesChildrenSig.png]
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#2
I have no idea how much critique would still be helpful now, seeing how this is the first part you wrote. All I'll say is you didn't put in commas in the beginning of quotations (, "...") and ends of quotations ("...," said Blah Blah). You know to do that now, though.
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